3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
