So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
