I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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