I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
