8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
