Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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