if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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