Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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