I wanna passion pit in your ass
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
