i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
