I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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