I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
