ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
