i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
