don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
