I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Panties = found
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