Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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