Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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