singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
