remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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