he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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