Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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