Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
