mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize