tell your sister to shave her snatch
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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