Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
