does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
