anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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