Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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