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i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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