ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
