she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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