U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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