Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
