his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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