yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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