i just sent this text using only my big toe
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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