Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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