dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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