Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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