Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
