Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
