I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
