Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
