everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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