you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
