Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
