The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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