I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
