Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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