I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
