He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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