Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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