I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
