I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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