Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
