Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
