I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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