the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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