god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
