i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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