K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize