Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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