put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
