I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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